Finally, I have an access to Internet. For the last few days, since I arrived home, I have no time and no chance and actually no internet service, even if I wanted to use them. Firstly, the internet service at 'home' was stopped after dad's funeral, cause there will be no one else using that, hence, it is practical to cut off the line. And being home in BM, for the last few days, I was practically busy, the whole day, for the first few days, it was getting and buying things (food, flowers, fruits, etc) for special prayer to dad. Then, getting some stuffs for the house, for CNY and iin between, some spring cleaning at home, and getting that organised a bit for my short stay while I am back home. I am adapting to it, though the first nite, it was not an easy thing, as the house was totally "empty' , esp. during this festive season. I am not sure how many times, teardrops fell, freely from my eyes, every time I clean the house or mobbing the floor, and it was the most painful time, during 30th nite, the reunion dinner time. It is hard to describe that feeling. It was exactly what ex-TVB actress, Ms. Lo Lan said after the passing awaygh of her late mother, that when they were around, they are actually accompanying us, more than we accompanying them. And now, I fully understood her meaning of this.
On one hand, I wish my dad and trust my dad's soul is already somewhere else, following Buddha's guidance and Nirvana path, and on another, when you recall memories, then it is another story totally.
Enough of this for the time being. Being home alone during all this time, allows me the time to rest, to think, to be one my own, and I have friends, relatives, colleagues who were worried that I am alone, and whether I would be able to adapt well. Well, I am fine, though I can feel that, if one is not strong enough, depression can set in. The good thing is that, I always see thing in positive manner, and when I feel sad, I always use my proper channel, that is my pair of eyes to help me, to express it out. Then, it would be fine.
Offering prayers at home is not easy, with proper sized candles, joss-sticks, those "gold and silver' papers, making tea, etc etc for the last few days, besides making sure the floor is cleaned before prayers are not an easy task. And now, I understood how dad manage that when he was around back then.
But somehow, I think I managed it well, and deep inside I am laughing at myself sometimes, taking over dad's roles in offering prayers. Time passes...................
I somehow, tend to take CNY in a more lighter mode, and though it is still an important occasion and nice to celebrate, but I take this in different approach totally which I would not share it here.
Meeting some friends and having the chance to chat with a few of them was nice. ANd now, I am in Kuala Lumpur, at Nancy's place. 2 friends (or my ex-student, ah boy and his cousin, Hong) was also good, giving them some career guidance (though it makes me think that I am getting older, talking like a mentor, a professional consultant in another way), but somehow, I do feel good, to be able to spend some time to talk to them and guide them.
I received thank you messages from them, kind of acknowledgment:).
Will be meeting some more friends here, and then will rush back to BM, before going back to Beijing. And earlier I said, my home is any place where my heart is for now, 4 seas for home (I cannot write Mandarin here, as I am not using my own laptop).
Ok for now, I will stop here for the time being.
Choong, Kuala Lumpur
